there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
