How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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