hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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