i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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