yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's like iHOP with fire
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
