Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
