She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
