Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize