Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
