I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
