Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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