I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
