Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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