there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
