He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
