operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
