Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
