he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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