I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
