There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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