My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
