1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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