Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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