I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
