Old men and throwing up are my life now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
