omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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