I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cannot find my penis.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
