I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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