remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
