It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
