I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
