do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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