The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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