my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
