I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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