I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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