I want to have your abortion
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
