5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
