Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
