I'm eating all of the evidence.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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