You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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