I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
