not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
