dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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