Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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