Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
