Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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