just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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