and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
