i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're too hungover to prance.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
