I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
