No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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