halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize