he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
