A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
this is an emotional support booty call
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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