I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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