I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
