So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
