Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
