I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
