I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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