i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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