dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
