It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
