He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
