i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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