I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
