I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize