His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
