I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
