At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize