I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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