Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
