My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
