There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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