Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Please don't give away my fajitas
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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