Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
